I hate to complain but I do have some things I need to get off my chest. Like a 300 pound girlfriend I have to get them off my chest so I can breathe.
OK, here goes...
1. People who give me fake phone numbers. I'm always meeting cute girls like at the food court in the mall. First I go up and ask them if they have a salt packet I can borrow.
Then I can't think of anything to say so I just stand there and stare at them. Then I ask them for their phone number and they always give me one. Then when I call them later it's always the wrong number or disconnected. I hate that. How am I gonna practice my heavy breathing if they don't give me the right number? It's rude!
2. People who think they are smarter than me. Are you listening Judge Judy?
Just because my Pit Bull bit that guy on the leg it was not my fault. I had him on a leash and the leash broke. Blame the leash company.
Also the guy was teasing my dog. He was riding his bike on the other side of the street and he probably knows my dog would not like that. He lured my dog over by acting like he was scared and screaming.
Well I should not have had to pay all those hospital bills. What about Obama care? Plus I did not appreciate you saying my Mom probably thought I was cute. She does not. She says I look like Abraham Lincoln.
These are just some of the things I did not get to say on TV and it was upsetting. I thought we had freedom of religion but I guess I was wrong.
3. I hate rude drivers. You know how you stop and let somebody turn in front of you and they don't even wave or smile? When they do that to me, I always scream, YOUR WELCOME JACK---! as loud as I can.
Maybe that will teach them to be more polite.
4. People who cut you off are another thing that steams my keister. I had a guy cut right in front of me and I got so mad I gave him an extra long beeeeep and shot him a you-know-what. He actually stopped his hover round, looked at me and shook his head and then kept going all the way across the crosswalk. I just can't believe how people can be so rude. I sped home and got under the covers with a bottle of brandy and some superman comics.
If you have a pet peeve leave a comment...
From Oddwally.com
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
Barney Doodle is Not a Cheapskate...Just a Smart Shopper!
OK, I admit it. I like to make things last as long as I can. I get attached to stuff and if it is still useful I like to keep it.
I wear my underwear till you can see the elastic.
I mix water with my mouthwash till it tastes like weak coolaid.
I have a laptop that is over 20 years old. I still use it for typing and a little photo editing. It overheats so I have to put it in the fridge for a while. If I get it really cold it works for a couple of hours before I have to shut it off.
I think Windows ME is state of the art. I just unplug it and plug it in. Works good for everything but U-tube and new software.
My dog is 14 years old. He can't see very well and when he wants to go out he goes to the wall and barks.
I have two pairs of shoes that are over 8 years old. The heels are so worn I feel like I'm walking uphill all the time.
My favorite car is a 1999 Ford Windstar. The check engine light has been on for two years.
Now I feel really depressed. Maybe I'll go shopping.
I need some new pencils. I might go wild and get some new underwear too. A new bottle of mouthwash wouldn't hurt. And a puppy, yeah a cute little puppy.
Where did I put that car sale flyer?
Reprinted from Oddwally.com
I wear my underwear till you can see the elastic.
I mix water with my mouthwash till it tastes like weak coolaid.
I have a laptop that is over 20 years old. I still use it for typing and a little photo editing. It overheats so I have to put it in the fridge for a while. If I get it really cold it works for a couple of hours before I have to shut it off.
I think Windows ME is state of the art. I just unplug it and plug it in. Works good for everything but U-tube and new software.
My dog is 14 years old. He can't see very well and when he wants to go out he goes to the wall and barks.
I have two pairs of shoes that are over 8 years old. The heels are so worn I feel like I'm walking uphill all the time.
My favorite car is a 1999 Ford Windstar. The check engine light has been on for two years.
Now I feel really depressed. Maybe I'll go shopping.
I need some new pencils. I might go wild and get some new underwear too. A new bottle of mouthwash wouldn't hurt. And a puppy, yeah a cute little puppy.
Where did I put that car sale flyer?
Reprinted from Oddwally.com
Thursday, July 21, 2011
BOILING EGGS ARE HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH!
Boiling Eggs Leads to Disaster...
I went to the movies and left eggs boiling on the stove.
When I came home the eggs were splattered on the ceiling and the pot was blackened and warped looking.
When I saw what had happened I took quick, decisive action. I tossed the smoking pot in the sink and turned off the stove
Then I collapsed on the floor and sobbed uncontrollably.
I pounded my fists on the floor and yelled in a shaking voice, "Why Me? I wanted those eggs! How will I live now?"
I finally got control of myself and stood up and acted like a man. I grabbed a dirty dish towel and wiped my tears and the snot off my face, and blew my nose. Then I burped and farted and I felt better. Ah, manliness.
As I was hanging the towel back up, I told myself, at least the house didn't burn down.
I could have lost so much more than eggs. I didn't really lose anything I couldn't replace.
I still had my stuffed parakeet and my collection of glow-in-the-dark ties and socks.
Later, I tried to make some coffee in the warped pot and it tasted like burnt eggs and aluminum.
I drank it anyway.
This article is a reprint from Oddwally.com. Hope you enjoyed it.
More Barney Doodle stuff
Here are some selected Barney Doodle Stories and a few extra things I thought you would like.
Read this stuff as soon as you can because I may have to have to start a Barney Doodle pay site soon.
I can't really afford to pay that many people to read my stuff, so please read this now before I have to pay you.
Thank you.
Your friend, Barney Doodle
Barney Doodles Windmill
Barney goes to France
Barney Doodle TV
Barney Doodles Poodle
More Barney Doodle Fun
I went to the movies and left eggs boiling on the stove.
When I came home the eggs were splattered on the ceiling and the pot was blackened and warped looking.
When I saw what had happened I took quick, decisive action. I tossed the smoking pot in the sink and turned off the stove
Then I collapsed on the floor and sobbed uncontrollably.
I pounded my fists on the floor and yelled in a shaking voice, "Why Me? I wanted those eggs! How will I live now?"
I finally got control of myself and stood up and acted like a man. I grabbed a dirty dish towel and wiped my tears and the snot off my face, and blew my nose. Then I burped and farted and I felt better. Ah, manliness.
As I was hanging the towel back up, I told myself, at least the house didn't burn down.
I could have lost so much more than eggs. I didn't really lose anything I couldn't replace.
I still had my stuffed parakeet and my collection of glow-in-the-dark ties and socks.
Later, I tried to make some coffee in the warped pot and it tasted like burnt eggs and aluminum.
I drank it anyway.
This article is a reprint from Oddwally.com. Hope you enjoyed it.
More Barney Doodle stuff
Here are some selected Barney Doodle Stories and a few extra things I thought you would like.
Read this stuff as soon as you can because I may have to have to start a Barney Doodle pay site soon.
I can't really afford to pay that many people to read my stuff, so please read this now before I have to pay you.
Thank you.
Your friend, Barney Doodle
Barney Doodles Windmill
Barney goes to France
Barney Doodle TV
Barney Doodles Poodle
More Barney Doodle Fun
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
MY NAME IS BARNEY DOODLE AND I AM NOT A PURPLE DINOSAUR!
I am not a purple dinosaur! My name is Barney Doodle and I am also not a poodle!
I find that when I type my name into Yahoo or Altavista they think I am one of the two things above. It hurts my feelings to know that they think that's what I am. This blog is to prove to the world that I am a handsome and important person, not a cartoon or a doggy.
My Mom used to tell me I was special. She also accused me of stealing dust and taking up too much space in the house, but that's another story.
My father spent his life trying to make dog bisquits out corncobs. No dogs would eat them so he never made much money.
Yes, I had a difficult childhood but I believe in making lemons out of lemonade and have turned things around.
Today I am the Editor in Chief at Oddwally.com. I guide my staff with an iron hand and I use intimidation and begging to get them to write funny articles for Oddwally.
I promise them bonuses for popular articles then I give them an IOU written on a bar napkin. You should see the look on their faces.
We have a lot of fun planned for all our viewers at Oddwally.com. Check it out if you need a laugh.
This is my personal invitation to you. Come and visit us at Oddwally.com. I need your love.
I find that when I type my name into Yahoo or Altavista they think I am one of the two things above. It hurts my feelings to know that they think that's what I am. This blog is to prove to the world that I am a handsome and important person, not a cartoon or a doggy.
My Mom used to tell me I was special. She also accused me of stealing dust and taking up too much space in the house, but that's another story.
My father spent his life trying to make dog bisquits out corncobs. No dogs would eat them so he never made much money.
Yes, I had a difficult childhood but I believe in making lemons out of lemonade and have turned things around.
Today I am the Editor in Chief at Oddwally.com. I guide my staff with an iron hand and I use intimidation and begging to get them to write funny articles for Oddwally.
I promise them bonuses for popular articles then I give them an IOU written on a bar napkin. You should see the look on their faces.
We have a lot of fun planned for all our viewers at Oddwally.com. Check it out if you need a laugh.
This is my personal invitation to you. Come and visit us at Oddwally.com. I need your love.
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